Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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