If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
