hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
