i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
