Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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