When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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