she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
