I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
