yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
