just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cut my penus on the lid.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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