Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
