i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
