I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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