I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
