oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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