that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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