omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
