we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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