Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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