I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
