I cockslap morals
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
