He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
