Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
