Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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