I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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