I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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