matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
