My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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