He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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