she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
