Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
