Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
