So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We got so high we made milksteak
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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