Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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