yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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