it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
