ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
