I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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