wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, beer. Big fan.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
