dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
