ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
