I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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