Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
