i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
