Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
