my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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