whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
