I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
