so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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