i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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