it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
