oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is Oprah even human
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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